1
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:09,967
I still can't believe
you have to take a drug test.

2
00:00:10,067 --> 00:00:12,100
I know.
The man gets off

3
00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:14,867
sniffing America's piss
these days.

4
00:00:14,967 --> 00:00:18,067
You know that my pee probably
won't pass a drug test either?

5
00:00:18,167 --> 00:00:19,733
I know, but at least it's,
like, human level.

6
00:00:19,833 --> 00:00:21,767
It's less embarrassing.

7
00:00:21,867 --> 00:00:23,667
Right.
God, I have such swamp ass.

8
00:00:23,767 --> 00:00:25,400
Dude, thongs are the best.

9
00:00:25,500 --> 00:00:27,033
It eliminates
an entire layer.

10
00:00:27,133 --> 00:00:27,833
Plus, it soaks up all
the sweat in your...

11
00:00:27,933 --> 00:00:29,633
(whispering)
butt crack.

12
00:00:29,733 --> 00:00:31,867
I still cannot believe you
are such a thong head.

13
00:00:31,967 --> 00:00:33,767
It's not for me.
It's butt floss.

14
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:36,567
Thank you so much.
Love this look.

15
00:00:36,667 --> 00:00:38,700
I love this look.

16
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,633
(together)
God, we're hot.

17
00:00:40,733 --> 00:00:42,833
God, my butt itches.

18
00:00:42,933 --> 00:00:45,500
Oh, yeah,
man titties.

19
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:46,167
(splashing)

20
00:00:49,467 --> 00:00:50,433
(sighing)

21
00:00:50,533 --> 00:00:52,267
Abbi?

22
00:00:52,367 --> 00:00:56,033
Can I, uh, buy you an
ice coffee real quick?

23
00:00:56,133 --> 00:00:58,433
* Four and three
and two and one, one **

24
00:00:58,533 --> 00:01:02,300
**

25
00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:05,567
Oh, that's amazing.

26
00:01:05,667 --> 00:01:06,667
Oh.

27
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:08,100
I hope you're not
talking about the kegels.

28
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:09,533
I was not.

29
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,467
Oh, um, hey, Ab.

30
00:01:13,567 --> 00:01:18,067
Would you maybe want to get, uh,
um, dinner if you're free later?

31
00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:20,333
You mean like a date?

32
00:01:20,433 --> 00:01:22,400
Well, yeah.
My treat.

33
00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:26,133
Um, I don't know if that's,
like, our thing, right?

34
00:01:26,233 --> 00:01:27,667
Well, yeah.

35
00:01:27,767 --> 00:01:29,533
But, you know how when we have
sex you tell me not to talk

36
00:01:29,633 --> 00:01:30,567
so you can concentrate,
which I-I totally get.

37
00:01:30,667 --> 00:01:33,233
I get it, but...

38
00:01:33,333 --> 00:01:35,833
Um, I just thought,
you know, if might be nice

39
00:01:35,933 --> 00:01:39,667
if we have an
actual conversation.

40
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:42,900
Um, yeah.

41
00:01:44,167 --> 00:01:46,300
Okay...

42
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:47,800
I don't have
dinner plans yet.

43
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:50,233
No-- I don't-- I mean don't
have dinner plans yet, right?

44
00:01:50,333 --> 00:01:52,067
Is that what you just asked me?
To do dinner?

45
00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:53,067
Awesome sauce.

46
00:01:53,167 --> 00:01:55,333
Okay.
Oh, you don't have to.

47
00:01:55,433 --> 00:01:59,400
Um, I, uh, I actually finished
when you said yes.

48
00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:02,233
Aww.

49
00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:04,267
I definitely
didn't though.

50
00:02:09,167 --> 00:02:11,067
(sighing)
Oh, Madonna.

51
00:02:11,133 --> 00:02:11,333
Rihanna.

52
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,900
Ilana.

53
00:02:15,067 --> 00:02:16,200
(laughing)

54
00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:19,200
Madonna, Rihanna, Ilana.

55
00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:20,567
Hey, bonita!
Hey.

56
00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:24,333
Hey, what are you doing?
Come on.

57
00:02:24,433 --> 00:02:26,067
Hi, baby.
Do you want a peach, baby?

58
00:02:26,133 --> 00:02:29,100
Do you like a peach?
Yeah.

59
00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:31,167
You have got
to be kidding me.

60
00:02:31,267 --> 00:02:33,100
We have been doing business
for how long?

61
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:36,567
I mean-- ah!
(phone vibrating)

62
00:02:36,667 --> 00:02:37,800
Hello.

63
00:02:37,900 --> 00:02:39,500
(Bobbi)
 There's been
 a terrible accident.

64
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:41,067
Oh my God.

65
00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:42,400
Not us, on the LIE.

66
00:02:42,500 --> 00:02:43,933
Tractor-trailer, overturned.

67
00:02:44,067 --> 00:02:46,967
Bloody, bloody--
oh, it's so sad.
 You buried the lead.

68
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:49,200
Don't do that.
(Arthur)
 1010 WINS says we're
 gonna be an hour late,

69
00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:52,733
but Google Map says 20, so...
who knows...

70
00:02:52,833 --> 00:02:55,667
I don't trust Google Maps.
It's the cops tracking us.

71
00:02:55,767 --> 00:02:56,700
Steering us away from
their own corruption.

72
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:59,200
Wag the dog, Ilana.

73
00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:02,067
Wag. The. Dog.

74
00:03:02,167 --> 00:03:04,667
Well, happy anniversary, guys.

75
00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:07,067
Aww, thank you, sweetheart.
Love, love, love you.

76
00:03:07,167 --> 00:03:09,133
I'm so excited
to see you later.

77
00:03:09,233 --> 00:03:09,667
Love you, bye.

78
00:03:09,767 --> 00:03:13,533
**

79
00:03:14,567 --> 00:03:16,300
We can do this.
Somebody'll get up.

80
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,567
We got this.
Just wait it out.

81
00:03:18,667 --> 00:03:19,567
Okay.

82
00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:22,700
Oh, (bleep).

83
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:24,533
Hey!
No!

84
00:03:24,633 --> 00:03:25,867
I saw you see us see you!

85
00:03:25,967 --> 00:03:27,533
(both)
(bleep) you.

86
00:03:28,933 --> 00:03:30,167
So angry.
Yeah.

87
00:03:30,267 --> 00:03:30,833
Inappropriate.

88
00:03:30,933 --> 00:03:33,200
Oh, here's one.

89
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,333
Oh, it only has one chair.

90
00:03:35,433 --> 00:03:36,967
Okay, we can do this.

91
00:03:37,067 --> 00:03:40,300
Alright, oh, I'll grab a chair.
He's just using it a foot rest.

92
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:41,233
Hi, can I grab this?

93
00:03:41,333 --> 00:03:42,333
Oh, sorry.
I'm using it.

94
00:03:42,433 --> 00:03:44,967
Oh, totally,
but we're actually two people.

95
00:03:45,067 --> 00:03:46,067
We just wanna both sit.
No, no.

96
00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:47,533
I'm-I'm using
the chair.

97
00:03:47,633 --> 00:03:48,700
I mean...

98
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,867
we all wish we could have
ottomans in the park--

99
00:03:50,967 --> 00:03:53,067
Are you deaf?
Like, I'm using the chair.

100
00:03:53,167 --> 00:03:54,100
Okay, I'm gonna take
the chair.
I said--

101
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:55,067
No-- 'cause you're,
like, being a dick.

102
00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:56,567
I'm gonna take the chair.

103
00:03:56,667 --> 00:03:58,733
Oh, my God.
Okay, I'm just gonna--

104
00:03:58,833 --> 00:04:01,067
No, don't touch--
don't touch it.

105
00:04:01,167 --> 00:04:02,267
No, I'm not--
Leave it.

106
00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:03,400
No, alright, I--
You know what?

107
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:04,467
You can take the chair.
Take the chair.

108
00:04:04,567 --> 00:04:05,700
I can't--
I'm not taking the chair.

109
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:06,900
You own this chair.
Please, please take the chair.

110
00:04:07,067 --> 00:04:08,100
No, no, okay,
I just-- sorry.
Don't touch me.

111
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:09,567
Don't touch me.
Okay, I would not.

112
00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:10,567
I would not.
Take the chair...

113
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:12,867
I'm not gonna take it.
...and go-- Bye.

114
00:04:12,967 --> 00:04:14,167
Okay.
Bye. Thank you.

115
00:04:14,267 --> 00:04:14,467
Okay.

116
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:18,700
I just straight up asked
that couple over there.

117
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:19,933
They're so sweet.

118
00:04:20,067 --> 00:04:21,533
Hi.
Cuties-- thanks.

119
00:04:23,133 --> 00:04:25,167
Man, I feel like I haven't
seen you in "lit-roll" days.

120
00:04:25,267 --> 00:04:28,400
God, you're glowing.
Your skin is glowing.

121
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:29,833
Really?
Yeah.

122
00:04:29,933 --> 00:04:30,700
What have you been doing?

123
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:32,667
Just been busy
with Trey--

124
00:04:32,767 --> 00:04:33,967
Ning.

125
00:04:34,067 --> 00:04:35,233
Training with Trey.
Y'know?

126
00:04:35,333 --> 00:04:36,867
He's just been on me.

127
00:04:36,967 --> 00:04:38,400
So annoying.
Get him off.

128
00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:40,133
I would not
get him off!

129
00:04:40,233 --> 00:04:40,933
What?

130
00:04:41,067 --> 00:04:45,133
You trippin', boo.

131
00:04:45,233 --> 00:04:47,200
I don't wanna ta-- I don't think
we should talk about it anymore.

132
00:04:47,300 --> 00:04:48,967
We should talk about positive
stuff like your parents, dude.

133
00:04:49,067 --> 00:04:50,267
Your parents.
I know.

134
00:04:50,367 --> 00:04:52,133
35 years!
That is impressive.

135
00:04:52,233 --> 00:04:53,467
Oh my God,
I didn't even ask you.

136
00:04:53,567 --> 00:04:55,867
You can totally come to their
anniversary dinner tonight.

137
00:04:55,967 --> 00:04:57,667
We would love to have you.
No, it's cool.

138
00:04:57,767 --> 00:05:00,100
It's a family thing.
Girl, you're family.

139
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,467
You know,
unless you have plans.

140
00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:03,167
I-I-I-- uh, I do actually
have plans.

141
00:05:03,267 --> 00:05:03,467
Cool, whatcha doin'?

142
00:05:06,067 --> 00:05:07,233
Yeah.

143
00:05:07,333 --> 00:05:08,933
What are your
plans tonight?

144
00:05:09,067 --> 00:05:09,733
I...

145
00:05:09,833 --> 00:05:11,667
am...

146
00:05:14,333 --> 00:05:17,067
... Training Shania Twain.

147
00:05:17,133 --> 00:05:19,300
(laughing ecstatically)

148
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:20,367
Are you kidding me?

149
00:05:20,467 --> 00:05:23,067
No.
That is hysterical.

150
00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:24,833
That is your
go to lie.

151
00:05:24,933 --> 00:05:26,933
I know, but not now.

152
00:05:27,067 --> 00:05:27,767
Oh my God.

153
00:05:27,867 --> 00:05:30,067
That does impress-ah
me much.

154
00:05:30,133 --> 00:05:31,133
Whoa.
Don't keep it from me.

155
00:05:31,233 --> 00:05:32,367
I wouldn't.
Don't keep anything
from me.

156
00:05:32,467 --> 00:05:33,967
I wouldn't.
You know, it could kill me.

157
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:35,267
It kills me!

158
00:05:35,367 --> 00:05:37,167
To feel
any distance here.

159
00:05:37,267 --> 00:05:38,267
Totally.
That's all.

160
00:05:38,367 --> 00:05:39,900
I would not do that.
Love ya.

161
00:05:40,067 --> 00:05:41,367
I love you, too.

162
00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:43,767
Wow.
(sighing)

163
00:05:43,867 --> 00:05:45,567
Is that Lincoln?

164
00:05:45,667 --> 00:05:46,933
Oh, my gee, Lincoln.
Come here.

165
00:05:47,067 --> 00:05:48,100
What are you doin'?

166
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,067
Hey.
What's up?

167
00:05:50,167 --> 00:05:52,533
'Sup, Ab?
Uh.

168
00:05:52,633 --> 00:05:55,067
I was waiting for you guys
to finish

169
00:05:55,167 --> 00:05:57,133
so we could talk privately.

170
00:05:57,233 --> 00:05:57,433
Oh.

171
00:06:01,133 --> 00:06:02,800
Me?

172
00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:04,267
I have to go.

173
00:06:04,367 --> 00:06:05,367
Later, Lincoln.

174
00:06:05,467 --> 00:06:06,400
Later, Ab.

175
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:07,800
Hello.

176
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:10,400
(sighing)

177
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:12,067
Watching that ass walk away
makes me sweat, too.

178
00:06:12,167 --> 00:06:14,233
(chuckles)
No, I...

179
00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:16,733
I need to talk
about something.

180
00:06:16,833 --> 00:06:19,167
Some stuff was at my place

181
00:06:19,267 --> 00:06:20,633
that I need
to return to you.

182
00:06:20,733 --> 00:06:23,600
Why are you giving
the (bleep) ring back to me?

183
00:06:23,700 --> 00:06:26,800
That's what I needed
to talk with you about.

184
00:06:26,900 --> 00:06:29,133
I've been seein' that girl,
as you know.

185
00:06:29,233 --> 00:06:30,600
And have encouraged.

186
00:06:30,700 --> 00:06:31,333
And it's gotten to
the point where I need

187
00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:32,367
to talk to you about it.

188
00:06:32,467 --> 00:06:35,900
"Final-lee," some juicy,
(bleep) details.

189
00:06:36,067 --> 00:06:37,367
I want the play by play.
No, no, no.

190
00:06:37,467 --> 00:06:39,133
Frame by frame.
No.

191
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:40,067
I wanna be monogamous.

192
00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:42,833
I'm sorry, we've...

193
00:06:42,933 --> 00:06:45,533
talked about this
so many times, I just...

194
00:06:45,633 --> 00:06:47,500
It's just not for me.
No, with the other girl.

195
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,567
Our arrangement is perfect
for me, just as it is.

196
00:06:49,667 --> 00:06:51,767
We wanna be monogamous
with each other.

197
00:06:51,867 --> 00:06:53,433
No we don't.
You're not listening even.

198
00:06:53,533 --> 00:06:54,967
We haven't had a threesome
with a boy yet.

199
00:06:55,067 --> 00:06:57,400
I'm talking about Steph.

200
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,167
She's my girlfriend now, Ilana.

201
00:06:59,267 --> 00:07:01,133
We're together.

202
00:07:01,233 --> 00:07:02,833
Uh...

203
00:07:02,933 --> 00:07:04,767
okay.

204
00:07:07,233 --> 00:07:09,533
Cool.
Listen, Ilana.

205
00:07:09,633 --> 00:07:14,467
I love you, but,
I wanna be in a relationship

206
00:07:14,567 --> 00:07:17,700
and you wanna do other stuff,
which is fine.

207
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:19,067
That's cool, but...

208
00:07:19,133 --> 00:07:23,567
we want different things,
so, I gotta move on.

209
00:07:23,667 --> 00:07:26,067
But we can still
hang out as friends.

210
00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:27,400
Obviously.

211
00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:28,933
I don't think
we're just friends.

212
00:07:29,067 --> 00:07:30,867
So...

213
00:07:33,133 --> 00:07:33,633
... No.

214
00:07:37,467 --> 00:07:41,300
Well, uh, we will talk
when we talk

215
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,667
and I'll see you
when I see you

216
00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:46,867
in a more professional capacity
from here on out, uh,

217
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,567
which is great.
Ilana, you good?

218
00:07:48,667 --> 00:07:50,067
You wanna...
Yep, great.

219
00:07:50,167 --> 00:07:52,067
hang out for
a little bit--
Oh, no, I'm gonna head out,

220
00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:55,700
'cause this is just cool
and how life goes.

221
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:56,933
So, that's it.
I'll see you.

222
00:07:57,067 --> 00:07:59,067
That's... see ya.

223
00:08:02,067 --> 00:08:02,933
Lincoln, wait.

224
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:10,200
(blows raspberry)

225
00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:11,233
(chuckles)

226
00:08:12,500 --> 00:08:13,800
(laughs)

227
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:21,367
She's still running.

228
00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:23,667
Her running
is a metaphor.

229
00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:30,500
Whoa, Ab.

230
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,333
What's up with that outfit?

231
00:08:32,433 --> 00:08:33,567
It's confused.

232
00:08:33,667 --> 00:08:35,100
(sighs)

233
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,067
I'm going on a date.
All right, girl.

234
00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:38,733
Just the deets.
I know the person?

235
00:08:38,833 --> 00:08:41,067
Anybody I know?
Who is it?

236
00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:43,100
Okay.
Yeah, you know.

237
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,533
You know him.
(excited gasping)

238
00:08:44,633 --> 00:08:45,967
Who? Who?

239
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:48,067
Who, who, who,
who, who?
I'm, like, embarrassed about it.

240
00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:49,067
I'm not-- I'm not
embarrassed about it,

241
00:08:49,133 --> 00:08:50,667
but I've been in denial
about it.

242
00:08:50,767 --> 00:08:51,900
Like I haven't
even told Ilana.
Ooh.

243
00:08:52,067 --> 00:08:55,367
Am I at the farmer's market
'cause this is so juicy.

244
00:08:55,467 --> 00:08:57,533
Okay.
It's a peach.

245
00:08:57,633 --> 00:08:59,633
The white peaches
at the farmer's market.

246
00:08:59,733 --> 00:09:01,100
Okay.
Uh...

247
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:02,467
it's Trey.

248
00:09:07,633 --> 00:09:09,100
My Trey?
Well...

249
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,500
Why would you
be embarrassed?

250
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:14,433
I mean, I'm obviously straight,
but I would absolutely

251
00:09:14,533 --> 00:09:15,933
suck him dry.
Okay.

252
00:09:16,067 --> 00:09:17,533
Thanks so much, Bevers.
No, no, no, no.

253
00:09:17,633 --> 00:09:18,767
Oh, no, no, no, no.

254
00:09:18,867 --> 00:09:20,400
I'll be good, I'll be good,
I'll be good.

255
00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:22,433
So what are we trying to say
with this outfit?

256
00:09:22,533 --> 00:09:23,800
I don't know.

257
00:09:23,900 --> 00:09:27,500
I just need the look
to say that I want to be

258
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:28,333
sex friends only.

259
00:09:28,433 --> 00:09:30,400
All right, got it.

260
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:32,567
Let's figure something out
that's gonna let you

261
00:09:32,667 --> 00:09:33,600
maintain that status quo.

262
00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:35,567
Okay.
Before we get started...

263
00:09:35,667 --> 00:09:38,300
Will you give me
some dick deets?

264
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:39,300
(sighs)

265
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:43,233
**

266
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:45,567
(snaps fingers)

267
00:09:45,667 --> 00:09:46,700
Knee caps, baby.

268
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:47,767
Those thighs could
crack a coconut.

269
00:09:47,867 --> 00:09:50,233
Make me a "Vaginia-colada"
(sucking)

270
00:09:50,333 --> 00:09:51,700
(barking)

271
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,100
Yes!
(Bobbi)
Is this what you do?

272
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:55,300
I love this.

273
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:56,600
(imitating a siren)

274
00:09:56,700 --> 00:10:00,633
Oh, mommy, I would sip dem
milkbags like a Capri Sun.

275
00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:02,633
You Betty me "Veron-ing" ya.

276
00:10:02,733 --> 00:10:03,900
Yowza, baby.

277
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:05,233
(Bobbi)
All right, now you're going
too far.

278
00:10:05,333 --> 00:10:07,367
Oh, here we go.

279
00:10:07,467 --> 00:10:08,733
Strong back muscles.

280
00:10:08,833 --> 00:10:11,200
Butt clenched--
I like 'em nervous.

281
00:10:11,300 --> 00:10:14,433
I'd wrap my thighs around
that big basketball head.

282
00:10:14,533 --> 00:10:15,433
Oh.
Yeah?

283
00:10:15,533 --> 00:10:16,767
Ew, what the (bleep).

284
00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:17,933
Ooh.
Oh, Ilana.

285
00:10:18,033 --> 00:10:19,567
Eh, that was bad.
That's your brother.

286
00:10:19,667 --> 00:10:21,133
No, I'm really excited,
thank you so much.
That was so bad.

287
00:10:21,233 --> 00:10:23,300
That sucked.
Yeah, it really was not a good
place to go.

288
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:24,867
Oh my God, guys.
I have some big news.

289
00:10:24,967 --> 00:10:26,233
Oh, I have big news, too.

290
00:10:26,333 --> 00:10:28,600
You know your sister was just
talking about you sexually.

291
00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:30,367
Ew, what?
I didn't know.

292
00:10:30,467 --> 00:10:32,400
Sorry, but CrossFit
is shredding you.
Please.

293
00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:34,867
Incest would destroy our
already weak bloodlines.

294
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:36,800
Anxiety, depression, enough.

295
00:10:36,900 --> 00:10:38,333
Let's go kids.
Okay.

296
00:10:38,433 --> 00:10:39,700
Oh.

297
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:41,333
Guess I'll save it.

298
00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:45,033
**

299
00:10:45,133 --> 00:10:46,467
Mask up.

300
00:10:47,833 --> 00:10:50,600
The empire waist
is reading very Mormon.

301
00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:52,100
You're beggin' to have
his babies.

302
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:52,967
Let's move on.

303
00:10:54,633 --> 00:10:56,867
Ugh...
Next!
What?

304
00:10:56,967 --> 00:10:58,033
Don't waste my time.

305
00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,200
Mask up.

306
00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:03,233
(sighs)

307
00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:05,500
Mainline skirt is a flattering
silhouette for your

308
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,533
hourglass figure, but...

309
00:11:07,633 --> 00:11:08,967
it's reading
a little too sexy.

310
00:11:09,067 --> 00:11:10,533
Really?
I mean, we could let
the seam out

311
00:11:10,633 --> 00:11:13,300
an inch or two, make it a little
less form fitting, but...

312
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,300
those legs, I mean, you just got
those slut legs sticking out.

313
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,133
How the (bleep) do you know
this much about fashion.

314
00:11:18,233 --> 00:11:20,200
You know, I worked every summer
at my Grandma's department store

315
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:21,600
in St. Louis.

316
00:11:21,700 --> 00:11:23,167
Lord and Bevers.

317
00:11:23,267 --> 00:11:24,433
Oh.

318
00:11:24,533 --> 00:11:25,500
Um, 'kay, mask down.

319
00:11:26,567 --> 00:11:28,067
Mask up.

320
00:11:33,433 --> 00:11:35,067
I don't know why
I didn't try it on first.

321
00:11:37,833 --> 00:11:38,867
(phone vibrating)

322
00:11:38,967 --> 00:11:40,067
(sighing)
Okay.

323
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:42,400
Hi.

324
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,133
I am meeting
a Mr. Trey--

325
00:11:44,233 --> 00:11:45,100
Oh, Mr. Pucker.
Yeah.

326
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,333
He arrived about
a half an hour ago.

327
00:11:47,433 --> 00:11:48,267
Am I late?
No.

328
00:11:48,367 --> 00:11:49,267
He was just very early.
Follow me.

329
00:11:49,367 --> 00:11:51,900
Okay.

330
00:11:52,067 --> 00:11:52,967
Half an hour.

331
00:11:54,067 --> 00:11:55,333
Abbi.
Hey, Trey.

332
00:11:55,433 --> 00:11:56,733
Hey, you look awesome.

333
00:11:56,833 --> 00:11:59,833
Thanks, wow.
Thank you.
Here you go.

334
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:01,567
Fancy.
How about this table, huh?

335
00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:02,667
Oh, it's a great table.

336
00:12:02,767 --> 00:12:04,500
Check out the menu.
It's so tight.

337
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,700
I even moved my cheat day
in case you wanna split stuff,

338
00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:07,867
share aps,
whatever you wanna do.

339
00:12:07,967 --> 00:12:09,067
I moved my cheat day, too.

340
00:12:09,133 --> 00:12:10,533
So we can eat
whatever we want.
Great.

341
00:12:10,633 --> 00:12:12,800
Hi, what would you like?

342
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,367
Hey, I-I know.
I-I could--

343
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:15,700
Um...
Okay.

344
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,167
Okay, I'm gonna do the pan
roasted turbot with fennel

345
00:12:17,267 --> 00:12:20,833
pollen aioli, prosciutto,
borlotti beans, parsnips,

346
00:12:20,933 --> 00:12:22,200
turnips and carrots.

347
00:12:22,300 --> 00:12:23,767
So the Turbot.
Yeah.

348
00:12:23,867 --> 00:12:24,800
Uh, I'm gonna do
the chicken.

349
00:12:24,900 --> 00:12:26,067
Alright, very good.
Great.

350
00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:27,800
Cool.
Thanks.

351
00:12:27,900 --> 00:12:29,133
(clears throat)
Well...

352
00:12:29,233 --> 00:12:30,500
Okay.

353
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:33,333
To new beginnings.

354
00:12:33,433 --> 00:12:34,467
Yeah...

355
00:12:34,567 --> 00:12:36,633
But also,

356
00:12:36,733 --> 00:12:39,200
to how it is.

357
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,467
Now.

358
00:12:40,567 --> 00:12:42,300
Presently.

359
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:43,200
Yes.
You know?

360
00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:44,600
Yeah.
Do you understand?

361
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:46,067
To the present.
To the present.
To right now-- yeah.

362
00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:47,633
Let's cheers.
Awesome.

363
00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:48,700
Awesome.

364
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:52,100
That's good-- You know what?
I'm gonna run to the bathroom.

365
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,267
I'll be right back.
Alright, yeah.
Make room.

366
00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:58,233
Hey, do you know where
the bathroom is?
Uh, there's one right over there

367
00:12:58,333 --> 00:12:58,833
and then there's one
down the stairs.

368
00:12:58,933 --> 00:13:00,400
Great, thanks.

369
00:13:01,733 --> 00:13:03,467
Oh, (bleep).

370
00:13:03,567 --> 00:13:04,500
(bleep) me.

371
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,267
So what's that plant called?
That plant.

372
00:13:07,367 --> 00:13:08,933
Sansevieria.
"Senseverion."

373
00:13:09,067 --> 00:13:12,533
No, no.
(Bobbi)
I caught you.

374
00:13:12,633 --> 00:13:15,700
Oh, my sweet girl,

375
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:18,467
you surprised me
on my anniversary.

376
00:13:18,567 --> 00:13:20,067
Surprise...

377
00:13:22,933 --> 00:13:26,900
Look who I found tip toeing
around trying to surprise us.

378
00:13:27,067 --> 00:13:28,167
Can you believe
this little sneak.

379
00:13:28,267 --> 00:13:30,067
I'm-I'm sneakin'.

380
00:13:30,133 --> 00:13:32,267
Sit, sit.
Oh, um...

381
00:13:32,367 --> 00:13:33,467
Ab, have yourself a lei.

382
00:13:33,567 --> 00:13:36,200
Uh huh...
Bob and I are going
to Hawaii.

383
00:13:36,300 --> 00:13:37,933
Thank you.
I surprised her.

384
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,300
(Arthur)
At first, she was mad
and then she was glad.

385
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:43,133
Just because now I need all new
sarongs, but, you know what,

386
00:13:43,233 --> 00:13:44,167
It's fine.
It's fine.

387
00:13:44,267 --> 00:13:45,800
I'm happy to go.

388
00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:46,667
(kissing rapidly)

389
00:13:46,767 --> 00:13:49,067
You pretty little liar.

390
00:13:49,133 --> 00:13:51,533
Shania my ass.

391
00:13:51,633 --> 00:13:54,167
I'm not mad, though,
because you surprised my family.

392
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,967
I love this.
I love this!

393
00:13:57,067 --> 00:14:00,500
Everyone is happy
and nothing has changed.

394
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,133
I am very vulnerable right now,
so I'm gonna need to fill you in

395
00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:05,733
later when I'm not around...
(whistling)

396
00:14:05,833 --> 00:14:07,367
Cannot handle her questions.

397
00:14:07,467 --> 00:14:09,933
(Bobbi)
I guess we're just gonna have
to toast to honesty then, huh?

398
00:14:10,067 --> 00:14:12,233
Uh, could we get lychee martinis
for the whole table.
(Arthur)
Great.

399
00:14:12,333 --> 00:14:13,900
Alright, are we ready to order?

400
00:14:14,067 --> 00:14:16,500
(Bobbi)
Yeah, Arthur, you go first.
Okay, well, I'm-

401
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,300
I'm gonna have the duck.
(waitress)
Mmm-hmm.

402
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,067
With extra breast.

403
00:14:20,133 --> 00:14:20,900
Wasn't that-- that was-
that was funny.

404
00:14:21,067 --> 00:14:23,067
(waitress)
Mmm, all right.

405
00:14:23,167 --> 00:14:25,933
(coughing)
I'm gonna have the chicken.

406
00:14:26,067 --> 00:14:27,533
Please.
I love chicken.

407
00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:30,600
(Ilana slurping)
(Eliot)
Uh, I'm gonna have the baked

408
00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:32,633
portabella mushroom wellington,
please.
(Arthur)
Oh, I like that.

409
00:14:32,733 --> 00:14:35,600
(Bobbi)
I will have the prawns,
but I have to have

410
00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:39,600
the curry sauce on the side.
I can't handle that kinda heat.

411
00:14:39,700 --> 00:14:41,800
And...

412
00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:42,933
Pork chop, babe.

413
00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:43,967
Thank you.

414
00:14:44,067 --> 00:14:46,167
So, Abbi,
we have incredible news.

415
00:14:46,267 --> 00:14:48,900
Okay.
We got the cemetery plot!

416
00:14:49,067 --> 00:14:52,300
Wow.
(Arthur) We had a bidding war,
but it was totally worth it,

417
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,933
because we're under
this beautiful, beautiful tree.

418
00:14:55,067 --> 00:14:58,367
And, also, most of all, we are
nowhere near the Schwartz's.

419
00:14:58,467 --> 00:14:59,667
No.
(Bobbi and Arthur laughing)

420
00:14:59,767 --> 00:15:02,467
(slurping)

421
00:15:05,833 --> 00:15:07,867
Mazel.
Tov.

422
00:15:07,967 --> 00:15:08,900
(sharp inhale)

423
00:15:09,067 --> 00:15:11,067
Oh, man.

424
00:15:11,167 --> 00:15:12,167
Oh.

425
00:15:12,267 --> 00:15:14,267
I forgot to...
I need to pla--

426
00:15:14,367 --> 00:15:17,367
I need to replace my bandage.
'Cause it's fallen.

427
00:15:17,467 --> 00:15:18,600
It's fallen loose.

428
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:21,333
Oh, it's ba--
it's gonna be bad if I don't go.

429
00:15:21,433 --> 00:15:22,300
Imma be right back.
Go to the bathroom.

430
00:15:25,167 --> 00:15:26,700
Huh.

431
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,400
Hi, you have the wrong menu.
I'm just gonna take it.

432
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:35,600
This is great-- options.
You guys are cute.

433
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:38,533
Hey, there you are.
Hi.

434
00:15:38,633 --> 00:15:40,567
Was gettin' worried
you fell in.

435
00:15:40,667 --> 00:15:41,900
I did.
It was a big toilet.

436
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:43,967
You did?
No, I didn't fall in.

437
00:15:44,067 --> 00:15:45,267
So, two things.

438
00:15:45,367 --> 00:15:47,933
One, I got you something.

439
00:15:48,067 --> 00:15:50,900
Oh-- okay.

440
00:15:51,067 --> 00:15:53,467
It's a...
Corsage!
Yeah.

441
00:15:53,567 --> 00:15:54,100
You know how you said
you didn't go to prom?

442
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:55,867
Well...
Yeah.

443
00:15:55,967 --> 00:15:58,833
It's kind of a joke, but...
it's also real.

444
00:15:58,933 --> 00:15:59,833
Thank you.
That is so nice.

445
00:16:00,067 --> 00:16:02,367
Put it on.
Here?

446
00:16:02,467 --> 00:16:03,433
Yeah.
Uh, okay.

447
00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:08,300
See, it's funny,
but it's also pretty.

448
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,100
You look awesome.

449
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,400
Uh, the other thing:
today I found out

450
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:15,533
I qualified for
"American Ninja Warrior."

451
00:16:15,633 --> 00:16:18,633
Shut up!
Trey, I (bleep) love that show.

452
00:16:18,733 --> 00:16:20,233
You do?
Yeah, are you kidding?

453
00:16:20,333 --> 00:16:21,633
Congrats, this is amazing.

454
00:16:21,733 --> 00:16:22,867
You should come with me.
No...

455
00:16:22,967 --> 00:16:24,233
Yeah, you could totally
stretch me out or something.

456
00:16:24,333 --> 00:16:26,800
Uh, yeah, I am
the master stretcher.

457
00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:28,900
(Ilana laughing)

458
00:16:29,067 --> 00:16:30,167
Come on.

459
00:16:30,267 --> 00:16:32,067
(grunting)

460
00:16:32,167 --> 00:16:33,100
Mmmm.

461
00:16:35,233 --> 00:16:36,767
Mmmm.

462
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,367
Wow.

463
00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:42,567
We'll start
with your legs.
Great.

464
00:16:42,667 --> 00:16:44,267
And then I could stretch
the upper body.

465
00:16:44,367 --> 00:16:46,467
We can start
wherever you want.
Okay.

466
00:16:46,567 --> 00:16:51,067
(breathing heavily)

467
00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:52,867
Oh, this is so hot.
Yeah.

468
00:16:52,967 --> 00:16:55,667
My wife's totally pumpin'
and dumpin' like 40 feet away.

469
00:16:55,767 --> 00:16:57,733
Really?

470
00:16:57,833 --> 00:16:59,600
Well...

471
00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:01,367
For real.
Well, yeah.

472
00:17:01,467 --> 00:17:02,700
What'd you think?

473
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,933
Are you guys, like, chill,
or, like, open relationship?

474
00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:07,567
What, are you retarded?

475
00:17:07,667 --> 00:17:09,600
Open relationships
are unstable.

476
00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:10,567
Cheating is victimless.

477
00:17:10,667 --> 00:17:14,367
Yeah-- this is...
this is done.

478
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,533
I don't even know
what I'm doing.

479
00:17:16,633 --> 00:17:18,433
And lose the nipple rings.

480
00:17:23,433 --> 00:17:24,333
(sighs)

481
00:17:24,433 --> 00:17:26,233
Where were you,
Miss Ilana?

482
00:17:26,333 --> 00:17:29,100
I was taking a (bleep)
if you have to know.

483
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,433
Ilana...
I have something to say.

484
00:17:30,533 --> 00:17:35,933
You guys must be a really
amazing team if you had two

485
00:17:36,067 --> 00:17:39,500
perfect children and have stayed
together for 35 years.

486
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,067
Wow.
It was quite a (bleep), huh?

487
00:17:42,167 --> 00:17:43,200
(Bobbi)
Ah, fresh Lychee's.

488
00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:44,500
(Arthur)
Oh great.
(Bobbi)
Let's toast.

489
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,500
Oh, gosh.
Where's Abbi?

490
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,267
So, these are my twin sisters.
They're my best friends.

491
00:17:50,367 --> 00:17:51,833
I mean, they got all
the brains, honestly.
Mm-hm, lovely.

492
00:17:51,933 --> 00:17:53,733
It's just genetics,
you know?

493
00:17:53,833 --> 00:17:55,200
And, uh, they're teachers
right now.

494
00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:56,500
They teach middle school.
Huh.

495
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:58,067
They pretend to be
the same person.

496
00:17:58,167 --> 00:18:00,233
It's genius.
Oh...

497
00:18:00,333 --> 00:18:03,300
Whoa.
Uh-- hello.

498
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:04,300
Doctor?

499
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:05,900
What do you mean,
"Test results"?

500
00:18:06,067 --> 00:18:07,133
You have them.

501
00:18:07,233 --> 00:18:08,600
(whispering)
I have to get this--
this is important.

502
00:18:08,700 --> 00:18:10,333
I'm so sorry, it's rude.
Take it, take the call.

503
00:18:10,433 --> 00:18:12,167
Okay.
I'll be right back.

504
00:18:14,267 --> 00:18:15,700
She's always sick.

505
00:18:18,233 --> 00:18:18,600
(Ilana)
There she is.

506
00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:22,300
(Bobbi)
Fresh Lychee's, Ab.

507
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,200
Where'd you get
the corsage, Ab?

508
00:18:26,233 --> 00:18:28,267
I ran into my florist.

509
00:18:28,367 --> 00:18:32,633
"My florist," excuse me,
Queen of Sheba.

510
00:18:32,733 --> 00:18:34,633
Okay, back to business.

511
00:18:34,733 --> 00:18:35,933
Happy anniversary.
Happy anniversary!

512
00:18:36,067 --> 00:18:40,067
Happy anniversary!
You guys are just love!

513
00:18:43,233 --> 00:18:44,900
(sipping)

514
00:18:45,067 --> 00:18:48,167
Oh, Jesus.

515
00:18:48,267 --> 00:18:49,900
My diaphragm...
Shh, shh, shh.

516
00:18:50,067 --> 00:18:52,767
I left it...

517
00:18:52,867 --> 00:18:54,133
Cathy comic.

518
00:18:54,233 --> 00:18:56,500
I left my diaphragm.
Diaphragm?

519
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,700
Yeah, I've just
started using it.

520
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,933
And I gotta go 'cause
someone's gonna get it.

521
00:19:03,333 --> 00:19:03,600
(kiss)

522
00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:08,867
What kind of
florist is this?

523
00:19:08,967 --> 00:19:09,833
She's cut off.

524
00:19:13,133 --> 00:19:14,433
Hey.
(clattering)

525
00:19:14,533 --> 00:19:16,667
Oh, (bleep).
You okay?

526
00:19:16,767 --> 00:19:18,400
You alright?
Whoo!

527
00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:20,067
Okay.

528
00:19:20,133 --> 00:19:22,267
Yeah?
Okay.

529
00:19:22,367 --> 00:19:23,567
You're safe.
Cheers.

530
00:19:23,667 --> 00:19:26,067
Happy anniversary, right?

531
00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:27,300
I can't believe
you remembered.

532
00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:29,767
Remembered.

533
00:19:29,867 --> 00:19:31,833
Four weeks ago
was our first kiss.

534
00:19:31,933 --> 00:19:32,967
(sighs)

535
00:19:33,067 --> 00:19:37,633
I... obviously remember
when we kissed first.

536
00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:39,933
(sighs)

537
00:19:40,067 --> 00:19:41,633
(inhaling deeply)

538
00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:48,133
Yeah.
You know, just gonna...

539
00:19:48,233 --> 00:19:49,700
(cracking)
Ooh.

540
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:50,533
Why thank you.
Oh, that's great.

541
00:19:50,633 --> 00:19:52,900
Where's Abbi?
I'm starving.

542
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,100
(whispering)
Trey.

543
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:00,400
(sighing)
I'm getting emotional
right now.

544
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:01,867
And I don't want you
to see me like this.

545
00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:04,767
Hey, it's okay.
No, I don't want you
to see me like this.

546
00:20:04,867 --> 00:20:06,033
Okay.

547
00:20:06,133 --> 00:20:07,400
I'm gonna go to
the coat room or something.

548
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:08,233
Okay.
I'm not feeling--

549
00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:10,767
We need to think
about us.

550
00:20:10,867 --> 00:20:11,900
Wow.
Okay.
I'm gonna be right back.

551
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,500
Alright, hey,
take as long as you need.

552
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,967
Okay, I will--
I'm gonna.
Okay.

553
00:20:22,067 --> 00:20:24,700
Oh, here she is.

554
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:26,967
Sorry, there was a long line
at the (bleep) factory.

555
00:20:27,067 --> 00:20:29,233
Oh, Abbi.

556
00:20:29,333 --> 00:20:30,733
(laughing)

557
00:20:30,833 --> 00:20:32,900
Okay.
Eat, Abbi.

558
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,567
(sighing)

559
00:20:35,667 --> 00:20:38,000
Well, um, with this rare
moment of silence, um,

560
00:20:38,100 --> 00:20:40,133
there is something
I'd like to share.

561
00:20:40,233 --> 00:20:41,633
Um--
(gagging and coughing)

562
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:44,733
(Eliot)
Mom?
(wheezing)

563
00:20:44,833 --> 00:20:46,567
(Eliot and Ilana)
Mom, are you okay?

564
00:20:46,667 --> 00:20:48,133
Mom, are you okay?
Honey...

565
00:20:48,233 --> 00:20:49,533
(Ilana)
She's choking!
She's choking-- help.

566
00:20:49,633 --> 00:20:51,600
(Ilana)
She's choking.
She's choking, help!

567
00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:53,367
Help, somebody, please help.

568
00:20:53,467 --> 00:20:54,433
Trey, Trey, help!

569
00:20:54,533 --> 00:20:55,867
(Abbi and the Wexlers
calling out)

570
00:20:55,967 --> 00:20:57,167
Coming!
(Eliot)
Please, somebody.

571
00:20:57,267 --> 00:20:58,833
(Arthur)
Somebody help!

572
00:20:58,933 --> 00:21:00,067
(Arthur)
Somebody!
(Ilana)
Does anybody know CPR?

573
00:21:00,133 --> 00:21:04,633
(all shouting)

574
00:21:08,533 --> 00:21:09,867
Here we go!
Work with me.

575
00:21:09,967 --> 00:21:14,900
Hoh!

576
00:21:15,067 --> 00:21:15,733
(Abbi)
Oh, my God.
(Arthur)
Jesus.

577
00:21:15,833 --> 00:21:16,667
(Arthur)
Are you okay, honey?

578
00:21:16,767 --> 00:21:18,600
(Bobbi groaning)
Can you breath?

579
00:21:18,700 --> 00:21:19,600
(Abbi)
Are you okay?

580
00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:21,633
Oh, god damn lychee.

581
00:21:21,733 --> 00:21:24,067
Oh, Jesus,
that was (bleep) scary.

582
00:21:24,133 --> 00:21:25,433
(Eliot)
Sit down.
You okay?

583
00:21:25,533 --> 00:21:26,500
Yeah.
(Eliot)
Take it easy.

584
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:27,467
Thank you.
You're welcome.

585
00:21:27,567 --> 00:21:30,567
Thank you.
(sighing)

586
00:21:30,667 --> 00:21:32,733
Trey?
Who the (bleep) is Trey?

587
00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:35,067
(gasping)
Kirk Steele.

588
00:21:35,100 --> 00:21:38,900
Abbi, how did you know
Trey was here?

589
00:21:39,067 --> 00:21:39,967
Oh.

590
00:21:40,067 --> 00:21:41,067
We're on a date.

591
00:21:41,100 --> 00:21:43,167
Oh my God.

592
00:21:43,267 --> 00:21:46,067
This is not...
Oh my God.

593
00:21:46,167 --> 00:21:47,600
Oh my God!

594
00:21:47,700 --> 00:21:49,267
The condom in your room?

595
00:21:49,367 --> 00:21:51,467
(scoffs)
The whole time?

596
00:21:51,567 --> 00:21:52,967
The whole time?

597
00:21:53,067 --> 00:21:55,333
The whole time!

598
00:21:55,433 --> 00:21:56,567
I have to go.

599
00:21:56,667 --> 00:21:58,600
I have to leave now.
I have to go.

600
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,767
Ilana, wait.

601
00:22:02,867 --> 00:22:05,267
Okay, show's over.

602
00:22:05,367 --> 00:22:07,767
Uh, guys, I have some
big news to share.

603
00:22:07,867 --> 00:22:09,733
What?
Um, I got a promotion

604
00:22:09,833 --> 00:22:11,900
and I'm moving to London.

605
00:22:12,067 --> 00:22:14,500
No you're not.
Sit down and eat your dinner.

606
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,067
Yes.

607
00:22:16,133 --> 00:22:16,967
(sighs)

608
00:22:17,067 --> 00:22:19,267
(whining)
Madonna, Rihanna, Ilana.

609
00:22:19,367 --> 00:22:20,400
Madonna, Rihanna, Ilana.

610
00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:23,167
Hey.
Ilana, I am so sorry.

611
00:22:23,267 --> 00:22:25,067
Dude, I should have
told you about Trey.

612
00:22:25,133 --> 00:22:27,833
I don't know, I was like--
I was embarrassed and,

613
00:22:27,933 --> 00:22:29,767
dude he does not
mean anything to me.

614
00:22:29,867 --> 00:22:32,267
He is a guilty pleasure.
He's like a joke.

615
00:22:34,767 --> 00:22:36,133
Trey, no, no, wait-- wait.

616
00:22:36,233 --> 00:22:38,733
I'm not a joke, Abbi.

617
00:22:38,833 --> 00:22:39,933
I thought we were
having fun and--

618
00:22:40,067 --> 00:22:41,900
We were-- I was having
a really good time.

619
00:22:42,067 --> 00:22:43,767
This really sucks, you know.

620
00:22:45,367 --> 00:22:46,633
I'm gonna go.

621
00:22:46,733 --> 00:22:47,833
Wait, hold on.

622
00:22:47,933 --> 00:22:49,667
Trey, I did not mean like joke,
like, like that.

623
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,200
Ilana, I'm so sorry.

624
00:22:54,300 --> 00:22:56,833
I will never keep a secret
from you again.

625
00:22:56,933 --> 00:22:58,067
I promise.
You're my best friend.

626
00:22:58,133 --> 00:23:00,433
I-I-I-- it was just coincidence.
I know, I know.

627
00:23:00,533 --> 00:23:01,867
It's not even that.
I was gonna tell you, I swear.

628
00:23:01,967 --> 00:23:03,067
It's not even that.

629
00:23:03,167 --> 00:23:05,700
That's not even it
even though it was really...

630
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:06,933
jarring and...

631
00:23:07,067 --> 00:23:09,067
and I, like, didn't know what
was going on

632
00:23:09,100 --> 00:23:10,433
and he's so sweet, you know.

633
00:23:10,533 --> 00:23:14,700
And, like, tight body
and I'm gonna want full

634
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:18,833
dick deets when I'm done
feeling, but, um...

635
00:23:18,933 --> 00:23:20,667
Lincoln broke up with me.

636
00:23:20,767 --> 00:23:23,500
(sighs)
Whatever that means, you know?

637
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:27,733
My God, I'm so sorry.
I am so sorry.

638
00:23:27,833 --> 00:23:30,500
He met some
beautiful queen...
A real queen?

639
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,067
No, a queen like,
like us.

640
00:23:33,167 --> 00:23:34,300
You know, he wants to be
monogamous with her

641
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,067
and he should.

642
00:23:36,167 --> 00:23:37,100
He deserves
whatever he wants.

643
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:38,800
(crying)

644
00:23:38,900 --> 00:23:41,900
And he doesn't even
want to be friends.

645
00:23:42,067 --> 00:23:44,333
You know,
he never really did.

646
00:23:44,433 --> 00:23:46,867
I just never heard it.

647
00:23:46,967 --> 00:23:49,600
Okay.
It's gonna be okay.

648
00:23:49,700 --> 00:23:50,967
(crying)

649
00:23:51,067 --> 00:23:57,567
Okay, now is the time
you tell me dick deets.

650
00:23:57,667 --> 00:23:59,733
He's not responding to my texts.

651
00:23:59,833 --> 00:24:01,967
I guess I'm just gonna have to
apologize at work.

652
00:24:02,067 --> 00:24:05,067
Okay, what else have
I been keeping a secret?

653
00:24:05,167 --> 00:24:09,367
I think that I was starting
to kinda like Trey.

654
00:24:09,467 --> 00:24:10,500
Like...
like-like?

655
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:14,367
Like, like-like.
Oof!

656
00:24:15,467 --> 00:24:16,133
That (bleep) sucks.

657
00:24:16,233 --> 00:24:18,767
Yeah.

658
00:24:18,867 --> 00:24:21,200
Um, I'm really attracted

659
00:24:21,300 --> 00:24:23,800
to pre-Weight Watchers
Jennifer Hudson.

660
00:24:23,900 --> 00:24:26,900
I once keyed
this guy's car, uh,

661
00:24:27,067 --> 00:24:28,933
because he called me
a dirty Jew.
I hate that.

662
00:24:29,067 --> 00:24:32,067
So, I keyed a big
Star of David

663
00:24:32,167 --> 00:24:34,067
right onto his
driver-side door.

664
00:24:34,133 --> 00:24:37,333
I got super blazed before
babysitting Oliver...

665
00:24:37,433 --> 00:24:39,233
(sighs)

666
00:24:39,333 --> 00:24:40,767
and...

667
00:24:40,867 --> 00:24:42,800
I took off my bra 'cause I was,
like, feeling loose and, like,

668
00:24:42,900 --> 00:24:46,467
oppressed and wanted to,
like, chill and I left

669
00:24:46,567 --> 00:24:48,200
my bra in his room.

670
00:24:48,300 --> 00:24:49,933
(laughing)

671
00:24:50,067 --> 00:24:52,067
That was probably a whole
thing that you never

672
00:24:52,100 --> 00:24:54,467
found out about again,
because you couldn't admit it.

673
00:24:54,567 --> 00:24:55,667
(sighing)

674
00:24:55,767 --> 00:24:57,967
You can't admit...
No, and then, like...

675
00:24:58,067 --> 00:25:00,733
like, who knows?
Right, it wasn't sexual.

676
00:25:00,833 --> 00:25:02,267
But I'm just like...
Yeah, but, no offense--
no offense...

677
00:25:02,367 --> 00:25:04,400
That's a bra.

678
00:25:04,500 --> 00:25:05,233
Oh.

679
00:25:05,333 --> 00:25:06,800
(together)
That's a bra!

680
00:25:06,900 --> 00:25:07,100
(laughing)

681
00:25:14,367 --> 00:25:16,733
Sometimes you have to
pick your nose.

682
00:25:16,833 --> 00:25:19,500
Sometimes?
(laughing)

683
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:20,533
Sometimes?

684
00:25:20,633 --> 00:25:22,967
You have to, sometimes.
I have to do it.

685
00:25:23,067 --> 00:25:24,167
Sometimes you
have to pick your--

686
00:25:24,267 --> 00:25:25,800
(laughing)
You're...